"Uh, I think about two things — my ballroom and Iran. Three, I only think about three things — my ballroom, my golf game, and Iran. There's only four things I think about — my ballroom, my golf game, bodies of water that need renaming, and Iran. Of course, the five or six things I think about also includes other White House renovations — someone needs to determine if there are any other parts we don't need besides the East Wing and the Rose Garden, find more places to superglue gold-painted doodads around the Oval Office, check if any other rooms need gold letters so I can find them again, pick out drapes and various surface treatments, replace all the grass destroyed by my UFC arena, etc. — plus all the D.C. improvements like repairing the Reflecting Pool, again, deciding which government buildings need giant banners with my face on them and which memorials need to be bulldozed if they can't be renamed for me, calculating the height of my memorial arch, determining if any more statues need gold gilding, and deciding which trees need to be cut down at the East Potomac Golf Links. I only think about important things like determining whose mail-in ballots shouldn't be delivered, setting today's tariff rates for countries that piss me off, looking for any other Congressional powers I can appropriate, redesigning Navy ships, deciding which coins, bills, and government documents should have my face on them and which portrait to use, thinking up new nicknames for my enemies, and selecting AI-generated memes to post... and Iran, which may need obliterating again. With all that and more, I just don't have time to waste thinking about Americans' financial situation. Or the Epstein files."

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